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Little Leaf Photography

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A finch and a hummingbird share the same branch

A finch and a hummingbird share the same branch

When stuff slows us down

August 13, 2019

It hasn’t been my finest couple of weeks.

In fact it has been absolutely less than average. Being a person who finds it difficult to sit still, I have had to sit and experience my body telling me there is no way I can move forward. I felt like this for months after I came back from Nepal - a dragging fog; fatigue and a rapidly declining fitness - and I was only just starting to feel as if I may be able to get my act together. Then I became ill again and am at the end of an enforced ten days off work, which included three stints in hospital. I have been unable to do much at all and if I did, then man did I pay for it later.

I do not like this ‘sitting around getting better’ gig; but I am fearful of how my energy levels will be when I step back into my classroom tomorrow. Today I was unable to get out of bed before mid-day. I wasn’t sleeping, I was simply feeling too unwell to move too far. It sucks. It is teaching me about myself though; priorities, value around wellness and re-thinking how I have really been feeling these last nine months since I was sick in Nepal. Pretty bloody average to be honest. I have ignored my health; I have allowed stress to take over; I have not dealt very well with grief; I have not had five minutes really, to stop, breathe and just bloody well land.

I know the ‘told-you-so-ers’ out there will be thinking I push too hard and need to slow down. This could be true - sometimes. Since Nepal I have been literally at snails pace because I have been unable to push myself like I did. I have slowed right down and I do not like it one bit! Many people think they know how to live your life better than you do … maybe so, but it’s not theirs to play with.

But here is the lesson - I have a large amount of control over how I respond to feeling so darn blah. I can choose to wallow in it all and marinate myself to nothingness in how bad it all feels, or, I can accept this is how it is for now and each day aim for feeling a little better. I can continue to absorb myself in the activities that bring me a sense of wonder and fulfilment. I can even make the most of the down time to catch up on things I am usually too busy to attend to; today, for example, I loaded a bunch of new photos into my website and yesterday I ordered new cards for printing. I can and have, spread out on the couch with my cat and watched back to back movies - a rare thing for me. I have sat in the sun and soaked up those healing rays, and I have made bliss balls and soup to store in my freezer. This situation has also created the opportunity to be helped by others - and I have had plenty of it in the last couple of weeks, from wonderful people I barely know.

Good things can come from a seemingly sucky situation, it is just sometimes difficult to see past it as we are often so busy comparing ourselves to how things were.

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